Deadliest catch versus Bear Grylls
by ewab
Summary: What happens if a survival expert get a job as deckhand on the Northwestern.


One shot about the Nortwestern and what will happen if an extra deckhand is added.

please review.

It started out as an experiment from Discovery channel, they wanted a cross over or something. And they put Bear Grylls on the FV Northwester.

Going out to the fishing grounds was okay. Bear had been a bit seasick, and the others had teased him about it. You know the standard male bonding stuff. But now it is time to launch the first pot, and Edgar is getting ready for the biting the head off a Herring ritual. And of course the newest greenhorn has to do it too.

So Edgar bites and stands there for a bit so the camera man can get a good shot of him with the head in his mouth and the guts hanging out over his chin dribbling blood over his Grundens.

"Here you are Bear, now bite the head off this baby."

Edgar says with a grin from ear to ear while offering a big nice defrosted herring to Bear.

And Bear takes the herring, and just goes on and on with that very British accent of his.

"Well, you are right of course, the head of most animals is where the most nutritional value is. But not the entire head. The eyes are a good source of liquid when there isn't any around, relatively low in salt contents."

And with that he starts sucking out the eyes, making a disgusting sucking and popping sound.

By now Jake Andersen is puking his guts out, and the Discovery channel cameraman is having trouble keeping his camera pointed the right way, while also puking.

"And the brain is high in protein. Just as the spinal cord, so if you can get that out as well it is even better."

Bear takes the head between his teeth, but instead of biting off the head he just crushes the skull and with the point of his knife wriggles the brain out of the skull, very carefully so the spinal cord stays attached.

It looks like a pea with a piece of spaghetti dangling beneath it. And then he slurps it down. Smacks his lips he looks straight into the camera slightly bending over because the camera man is still unable to stand up straight and says.

"It tastes a bit like a over cooked chicken."

Matt has clearly given op on getting any work done that day and is sitting in the coiler with a smoke, thinking about his girlfriend Angela and trying very, very hard to ignore what is going on on deck.

Because he knows that if his jealous streak sets in, he wont be able to not want to beat up this Bear fellow. And he also knows he would lose, because the guy is some sort of special training secret agent or something.

And of course Edgar doesn't want to stay behind. So if Bear can do that with a herring he can do it with an already putrefying codfish. So he grabs the biggest cod he can find and pulls out the eyes.

And plops one in his mouth and starts chewing. Carefully keeping his face in a neutral expression. Because it tastes absolutely disgusting.

Bear sees it and also goes for a codfish.

"Yes only with eyes this size of fish it is better to slide them open and just suck out the vitreous body. That is almost pure water and the outside is more likely to give you food poisoning if you don't have a fresh fish."

And he starts sucking the eyeball and smacking his lips again.

All the time Sig is pushing his buzzer to get the pot launched. But nobody is paying any attention. So he is about to detonate.

Norman has gone to get his own camera once he noticed what way it was going. Because he just has to have pictures of Edgar being outdone in his own game. And of Jake puking and the camera man green about the gills and even Matt sitting in his coiler.

He is even hoping to get some good stills from the fixed camera in the wheelhouse of a detonating Sig.

So he is hoping around deck snapping pictures and getting in everybody's way.

And after Norman bumps into Nick for the umpth time Nick has had enough.

"Okay you two, why don't you just whip it out and measure it, so you can decide who has won and we can get fishing.

At that moment a whole flock of Hansenettes in pink "I am an Edgar girl" thongs storm onto the deck waving slide rules and tape measures in their right hands and the official " measuring protocol" in the left screaming.

"I am the judge, I am the judge."


End file.
